“I WANT to like this person…”
From our #asktheteam section:
"I WANT to like one of my team members. Can I create a connection this late in the piece?"
Connecting with team members we don’t really ‘click’ with can be challenging. In this #asktheteam article, we'll share some of the practices you can apply as a leader to break down barriers, create better connections, and to unleash the true potential of your team members; regardless of how you felt about them before.
In some organisations - for example, emergency rescue teams - leaders cannot lead a person unless they have "genuine affection" for them. And that's because their relationship affects how strongly they operate as a team.
And while we don't all work in emergency rescue teams, the same sentiment rings true across all fields. If we perceive someone as a person we 'don't naturally connect with', we're less likely to treat them warmly, give them opportunities, or have necessary tough conversations with them. Effectively, we aren't capable of leading them as well as others.
Here's how to break the cycle
Acknowledge and appreciate strengths
Give credit where credit is due. Take a moment to genuinely recognise and acknowledge the strengths and positive impacts the team member has made. Chances are, their strengths and impacts are different to other people’s, which can be a strong positive.Ask yourself important questions
Reflect honestly on why you don’t connect with this person. Ask yourself…Do they remind me of someone else?
Is there a particular behaviour that rubs me up the wrong way?
Am I holding onto a past mistake, misstep or incident? (If this strikes a chord, see the fundamental attribution error below).
Embrace experimentation
Plan ways to re-connect. Try initiating conversations in a different way (with a different intent or energy), approach them with a project or opportunity, or intentionally choose to interpret their actions in a positive light next time you’re tempted not to. Challenge yourself to keep this practice going until your experience changes for good.
The pitfall of the fundamental attribution error
We can’t talk about feelings of disconnect without unpacking the fundamental attribution error. The fundamental attribution error is a common bias that clouds our judgment significantly. In short, we tend to view our own mistakes or missteps as temporary, justified or situational… and then perceive others' as permanent character flaws, or just ‘who they are’. This is unhelpful (and incorrect) thinking.
We hope this answered your question. If any readers have questions out there:
